Life is not always about winning

7:10 a.m., 27th April 1996 (Ferozeshah Kotla ground, New Delhi) – I was warming up for our match with the visiting England Under-19 cricket team. I saw my coach and captain go into the players’ room to decide the playing eleven. This was my 5th match for the Under-19 team and I was all excited about the big match as a couple of selectors for the Ranji team were expected to come and see the match.

While taking my final lap, I saw a Maruti Van stop close to gate # 3 and eight people come out from the van with big smiles on their face. I was wondering who these people were, who had come so early on a Saturday morning to watch a friendly match between two Under-19 teams!!

Then I spotted Gaurav (a friend of my brother) who was right at the centre of that group, beaming with joy. He came to me and greeted me immediately. He then introduced me to his parents, brother, sisters and aunts. They were very excited that he has been selected for the Under-19 team and that he will be playing against the England team (it really did not matter to them that it was just a friendly cricket match and not a war for independence).

The coach and captain came out soon and called me to inform that I was in the playing eleven; by then I was confident of being in the eleven for almost all the upcoming matches as I had done well in my first four matches with them. I just casually asked who is the 12th man and they promptly replied that Gaurav will be the 12th man. I really don’t know what role a 12th man has today in an Under-19 team but in those days, a 12th man was a nice name for the water boy. I was not sure if I should tell my coach and captain that Gaurav’s entire family had come to see him play in his first match and before I could make up my mind, they had gone to announce the playing eleven to the rest of the team.

I knew I had less than a minute to do something about it. My inner voice wanted me to do something but I just didn’t know what to do. Then as if the message came from God, I ran towards my coach and managed to stop him just a few yards from where the team was assembled. In a very low tone and with some pain in my voice, I told him that I was not feeling too well and I may be suffering from an upset stomach. I told him that I would not be able to give my 100% on the field.

He was visibly upset at this last minute news and told me that it was critical for me to play as the England team had some really good batsmen. He also explained that their batsmen would be vulnerable to spin (a bowling form) and apart from me, they had no one else in the spin department. I immediately responded and suggested that they should let Gaurav play as he too is a good spinner. He turned around looking for Gaurav and saw him standing with a group of people. The coach asked me, “Who are these people next to Gaurav?” Casually I answered, “Oh they... they are just some of his family members”. My coach stared at the group for a few seconds and then looked at me with his eyes wide open. I thought my career was going to be over that instant but that was not what happened.

He smiled and said, “You know this match is important for you. The selectors will be there; why do you want to do this?” I was completely exposed but since my heart had overtaken by mind, my reply to him was prompt and crisp; I just said, “I know but this is more important.” He just smiled again, put his hands on my head and walked towards the team.

Yes, Gaurav did play the match in place of me and to be fair, he did well. We lost the match but there were still 3 people from our team who were smiling at the end of the match – Coach, Gaurav and me.

Any other day, I would have been very upset to be part of a losing team but not that day. Winning is important and you should give everything you have to win but sometimes life is not about winning alone. Although I withdrew from the sport a couple of years later, Gaurav still plays for the Delhi team and hopefully will play for India someday.

Being Secular...

I never imagined how the name of a person can go against him/her till the 1993 Bombay blasts happened. I was sitting at my home waiting for a friend of mine to call me and tell me the time we would be meeting for dinner. Like everybody else in my family, I was glued on to the television watching the news; Bombay (now Mumbai) had witnessed serial blasts a couple of days back and was subsequently having communal riots. I asked my dad, “What does communalism mean?” He answered patiently but honestly, I did not understand a word of what he said.

Just then I got a call from my friend and she told me that she will not be able to meet me for dinner as her parents had asked her not to meet me or even speak to me. I was speechless and my mind went back to the last few days, thinking what I had done wrong. Just a week before that day, I had gone to meet her at her home and I had had a friendly conversation with her parents. A thousand thoughts went through my mind and none were convincing enough; never in my life earlier, had I been so desperate for answers.

Ten days later, she came to my house with her mother and to my surprise, her mother asked me why I hadn’t visited their house for more than a fortnight; once again I was speechless.

Her mother was visiting my house for the first time and I noticed that she was looking around for something but I had no clue what it was. Suddenly, I heard a very excited tone in her voice and in a single instance; I got answers for all the questions that were puzzling me for the last 10 days. I also suddenly understood the meaning of what my dad told me while explaining the word ‘communalism’. She told my mom, “Oh you have a temple in your house, so you are a Hindu; that is so wonderful and I am so glad. Why did you then choose the name Suhel for your son? It creates so much confusion about your son’s identity…”

While I was happy to see the smile on the faces of the daughter-mom duo (although I am sure both had different reasons for the smile on their face), another set of thoughts started troubling me. If my last 10 days were nothing less than mental torture, then what do Abdul, Karim and Rizwan go through every single day of their lives? Abdul, Karim and Rizwan were some of my closest friends from school and people whom I had known for more than a decade. I am still not sure what they feel about how the rest of world treats them because of their names; I never had the courage to ask them but I am sure it is not a very good feeling.

So many events have taken place since then - whether it is Godhra or the riots after that, all just made me believe in one thing – secularism is not about being non-communal. Secularism is about treating all around you with equal respect and not judge the people by their name; religion or caste. There is nothing worse than living a life where you are judged and discriminated against based on your name; religion or caste and I sincerely hope that everybody understands this sooner rather than later...